“What is life if it’s not living big?”

Pinjol debts and financial chaos used to sound like background noise—stuff that happened to “other people” for me. Lately, though, those headlines are landing closer; it’s friends, neighbors, people I know.

I’m kind of surprised—well, not really—but it hits me that it’s closer than I thought. I’ve been hearing stories of people struggling, and pardon me for judging but I can’t help but think maybe it has something to do with how they live. Like wanting to live big. Like maybe we’re chasing too much. Or maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know. But it makes me think lately.

I get it—people want to feel alive. We want joy, fun, excitement. And yeah, what is life if it’s not lively, right? But I’m starting to question what “lively” really means. Social media kind of screws with our heads. It makes anything less than flashy look like failure. We all know, that’s messed up.

Lately I start to think that maybe what makes lives lively are just about the margins, the gaps. What makes life memorable are those gaps between moments. Like that time we went from meh 😒 to WOWZA 🤩. That’s one of life isn’t it? Those changes of feelings, those gaps.

Now I kinda think—sure, those going ups give us gaps, that sweet contrast. But maybe it’s also okay to not endlessly chase the higher and higher gaps. Maybe we don’t need to live life like we’re always chasing highs just to feel like we’re living. Living below our means, embracing the downs too—maybe that’s how we last. We can still enjoy the ups when they come, but we don’t have to gain something every day. We’re earthlings. The sky is vast, limitless—but we’re bound by how long our limbs can hold us up to keep our head over the ground. We can jump, true. But let’s not recklessly catapult ourselves into the atmosphere.

I’m the kind of person who finds peace in things that others might call mundane (wn: oh how self righteous it makes me sick too haha, but bear with me). I think people around me also knew that I can be very boring. Heck I am so boring. I stare at leaves. I lie on the floor and look at clouds moving, for tens of minutes. I sit alone in a supermarket corner eating snacks like it’s a ritual. I swim by myself. I motorbike around aimlessly and talk to myself. I can stay on a place for the whole day without talking to anyone or laughing along or listening to anything. That is a boring person by definition ain’t it? Sometimes I even wonder to myself too―wah, is this really me? just this? nothing fancy to show off?―and at times it made me feel a little feeble too. Ain’t I look miserable? Like maybe I need to live more?

But lately, I’ve started to feel grateful for this kind of life. I’m glad that it makes me content. I’m not saying it’s the right one. I’m not trying to self-justify. But this demeanor—this plainness—has quietly kept me safe from some of the risks people around me are currently facing. At least for now. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal. Or maybe I just got lucky? Or still got lucky? I don’t know. I’m not advocating to live like me. I don’t even know if this is good for me in the long run. But if nothing else, maybe hey use me as lower baseline! As reminder that there are people like me, who live pretty boring lives—and (can survive trying to) being content with it.

So please live below means, live boring.

No, I take that back. Just put it in mind as a possible way to take, to live below means and boring. Trying to keep up with those crazy, flashy standards by spending beyond what we can afford is not a good idea―and no, ability to pinjol and lendings aren’t counted as what we can afford. Be boring and don’t be reckless. It’s okay to humble things down sometimes—we’ll still live. Maybe without those crazy adrenalines, but still living, still breathing. We’ll still feel things. Not social media worthy, but we’ll still have moments.

If you worry about being seen as simple or boring, sneer at me, or sneer at someone else like me… no, sneer at me. Use us as your lower baseline. Even if you live a plain, quiet life, there’s at least one person in your circle with even more boring life. And that’s okay.

Just don’t get caught up in those problems for that reason, will you? Because I overthink a lot, and damn I wish I never have to overthink about you too.